New Computer!

After using my old computer for about ten years, I broke down and got a new one from Cyberpowerpc.  That’s what my old one is and after my son does some work on it, it should work for a while longer.  We are going to use it as a back-up.  The new one is so much faster and I spent two days downloading my games.  They run so smooth and no lag!  Score!

The funny thing, though, is now I have a new computer I have been busier and not a lot of time to use it!  When I do get the time, I tend to not be in the mood or have other chores that need tending.  At least it’s there for when the mood strikes!

I am so happy that my daughter is doing better.  About mid March she spoke to a doctor about her social anxiety.  I’ve tried to get her to go in the past, but she wouldn’t spend the money since we didn’t have much.  She is so much like me!  She is on the generic form of Zoloft and they have been working on her dosage.  I have gradually seen a change in her.  She was to the point she wouldn’t even leave her bedroom unless she had to work.  On work days, she always looked sad and tired and she dreaded work.  After the first month of medication, she started changing.  She suddenly wanted to join me on my walks.  Now, we go every day unless it’s raining.  On those days, we have been finding workout videos on Youtube and do those together.  She smiles and laughs!  She seems to have a much better attitude about work. She told me she doesn’t dread it like before.  She confessed to being so sad and depressed before that she just wanted to be left alone.  I know that feeling all too well.  Yesterday, while my son and I were working, she walked to a store alone!  She said she wasn’t scared to death like she would have been before.

What really made my jaw drop is that she actually spoke to a man on her walk.  There is an Auto Zone store a few blocks from us.  About a year ago, she went with me to get a tire pressure gauge and the employee that helped us was totally smitten with her.  We frequently walk past this store.  Yesterday, as she walked past, he was just arriving at work, and asked if he could talk to her.  He told her he sees us walking once in a while, and he has wanted to ask if he can call or text her, but was scared to do so (most likely because I’m usually with her lol).  I guess they chatted for a few minutes and she agreed to calls/texts but made it clear that is all for now.  I guess she explained she was not looking for a relationship right now and explained her social anxiety.  She told him she was just starting to work on herself and trying to make life better and could not even think about anything serious right now.  He agreed that calls and texts would be great for now.  I was blown away that she would actually lay down the rules like that.  In the past she would have been so terrified that she would have given her phone number out and agreed to anything he wanted out of pure fear.  That’s one reason she never would go anyplace alone.  She was terrified all of the time.  I was in bed crying last night, but they were tears of joy.  She will be okay!

I hope you all are doing well and staying safe.


My Strange Dreams Continue

I am still having very strange dreams almost every night.  The one I had last night really was upsetting to me.

I was at the home I grew up in.  I was outside at night with a 5 year old that I used to watch.  We were playing tag and running back and forth in the side yard tagging each other and laughing hysterically.  I tagged him and he chased me through the snow (it was suddenly winter) and he was laughing and I could almost feel him touching me he was so close.  Then, suddenly the laughing stopped and it was deathly quiet.  I turn around and he is gone.  I look all over the yard for him but he is nowhere to be seen.  I go into the house and tell my mom (my mom passed away a few years ago but I dream of her often) about it and she told me that it has been happening all over the world.  Young kids are just vanishing into thin air.

I woke with an almost overwhelming need to call and make sure this child is okay.  I didn’t because it was 3:30 in the morning lol.  I don’t think they would have appreciated that!  I assume all is well as I keep close contact with this family and I know I would have heard if something was the matter.

I wonder what tonight will bring?