3 AM

Up at 3 am, again.  Bad dreams wake me and my bladder insists to be emptied.

“Can’t you wait another couple of hours?”  I plead.

But, no, my bladder needs assistance now.

By the time I get back to my bedroom, I am awake enough that it will be a chore to sleep.  I try.  I go to bed and try.  After a while I feel a type of panic and I have to get up.  I simply cannot stay in bed any longer, no matter how tired I am.  My legs insist I must get up and move!  My brain has kicked in, reminding me of all that is bad in this world, in my world.  Always negative, my brain.

As I get older, I feel more and more like I don’t belong here.  I don’t understand the rules anymore.  I don’t understand people.  I don’t fit in.

Ghostly images of my past remind me of the world I understand.  A world that made more sense to me.  But it is gone.  I feel that I am stuck here and part of me is longing to join those ghostly images.  To go to a place that makes sense to me.

I fix a cup of coffee and check my email and Facebook accounts.  By the time I’m done doing that I feel a little more grounded.  It just might be possible to face this new day, if I just try.

And I always try.


My Little Treasures Made Me Sick

Yesterday, I had a Leprechaun treasure hunt with the kids I watch.  They loved it!  I find it amusing that almost every child I have watched prefers St Patrick’s Day activities with me more than any other, including Christmas and Halloween.  But then, I don’t do treasure hunts for those, either.  Who can resist following clues and finding treasure?

In return, they shared their head colds with me.  How’s that for gratitude!  (I still love them)











Okay, so I’m not as sick as this picture would imply, but I like to be dramatic.

Have a good weekend, all!