I am Libra

Many years ago, my mother made the comment that I am a true Libra.  I always try to see both sides of an argument.  At the time, her comment didn’t mean all that much to me.  Well, at least I didn’t think it did.  But, it must have, because I can still clearly remember her saying it.  In all of those years, I was not curious enough to really read about what being a Libra is supposed to mean.  I only knew it was a scale sign and meant something about balance.  So this morning her comment popped back into my head and I decided to read about the Libra sign.  Holy crap, it is so me!   It’s kind of scary.

I hate confrontation.  I will do almost anything to make people get along with each other.  I will take the blame for things I didn’t do if that means keeping peace in the family.  I want things to be on an even keel and no disruptions.  I try very hard to see both sides of an argument and understand why someone believes as they do.   Rarely is one side completely right or wrong.

However, a recent event has thrown me out of my zone, and I can’t get back the peace and harmony.  I am having a very hard time coping with it and struggle to get through my days.  Even when very angry, I usually quickly regroup and forgive because I don’t think there is any use in life for a lot of anger.  It only hurts the angry person.

The death of a parent can bring out the worst in people.  This completely baffles me.  I can in no way understand it.  My mother recently passed, and my sister and her husband went off the deep end and have been acting like crazy people.  I won’t go into too much detail, but they have accused me of everything bad.  I have been called a thief and liar.  I have been accused of manipulating my mother on her death-bed to get what I wanted.  I was told my mom made a new will I didn’t know about that cut me out because she didn’t like me and didn’t want me to have anything.  I was told if I ever speak to them again or come near my mom’s house they would call the police.  And so on and so forth.  This is just the beginning.  They said much more hurtful things that I will not mention.  I have no idea why I was attacked.  I did nothing to provoke them.  The only thing I can think of is that I was the one who sat with my mom in the hospital and that upset them?  I have no idea.

A week later, out of the blue, I get a call from them saying they don’t think we should fight anymore.  Guess what?  I was never fighting in the first place.  I was simply on the receiving end of a long list of false accusations.  I am trying very hard to understand why they did what they did and set the scales again, but I can’t.  I think the scales are now broken and I don’t even want to forgive them.  I can be civil and get through what must be done, but I highly suspect after it is over that I am done with my sister.  The hurt is too deep this time.

I know death is a hard thing to face and I understand being very sad and upset.  What I don’t understand is the anger and mean spirits.  It makes no sense at all to me.  I still hang on to a thread of hope that over time, I will be able to see why they acted as they did.  Maybe I can find a way to let them know that I will never really forgive them for what they did, but I can find a way to live with it at least.  Maybe, I can repair that scale over time to keep peace in the family.  Some days I don’t care if that ever happens, but most days I truly hope I can do it.  Time will tell.

Please be kind to each other.  Saying hurtful things to make yourself feel better is very wrong.  It will hurt everyone involved.  Before lashing out, try to remember that the other person is also hurting and trying to cope.  That is how you keep the scales balanced.

I want my happy face back.  I am fighting for it.

Another Break

Well, I don’t think I will ever get back to blogging at this rate!

I will be taking yet another break.  My mother passed away on Friday, and things have been crazy and will continue to be for a while.  I will try to stop in and at least read some of your wonderful posts!

See you when life levels off.