Up at 3 am, again. Bad dreams wake me and my bladder insists to be emptied.
“Can’t you wait another couple of hours?” I plead.
But, no, my bladder needs assistance now.
By the time I get back to my bedroom, I am awake enough that it will be a chore to sleep. I try. I go to bed and try. After a while I feel a type of panic and I have to get up. I simply cannot stay in bed any longer, no matter how tired I am. My legs insist I must get up and move! My brain has kicked in, reminding me of all that is bad in this world, in my world. Always negative, my brain.
As I get older, I feel more and more like I don’t belong here. I don’t understand the rules anymore. I don’t understand people. I don’t fit in.
Ghostly images of my past remind me of the world I understand. A world that made more sense to me. But it is gone. I feel that I am stuck here and part of me is longing to join those ghostly images. To go to a place that makes sense to me.
I fix a cup of coffee and check my email and Facebook accounts. By the time I’m done doing that I feel a little more grounded. It just might be possible to face this new day, if I just try.
And I always try.