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Deep Thoughts During My Morning Coffee

I am blogging impaired.  There, I said it.  When I started this blog, I did mean to write more posts than I do.  I really thought I would have more to say!

Over the years, I have had so many thoughts and opinions.  Sometimes, I would think something and just say, “Wow, that is really deep!  Maybe someone else would benefit from this.”  But, somehow, between the time I think a thought and the time I can actually find time to write about it, the power of the words are gone and I can’t remember exactly what I thought in the first place.

Even if I were to have a very important, deep-thought provoking thought right now, at this very second, it wouldn’t come out right when I type it.  The emotions, visuals and words in my head are diluted by the time my fingers start tapping the keys.  I just can’t seem to put words to my thoughts.  It comes out sounding weak and not at all how it felt in my head.

But, that is probably the key right there!  When I’m thinking, I have a jumble of emotions that go along with the words.  On paper, or blog, I’m just using the words.  I need to discover a way to release the emotions along with the words.

I used to do it.  I would write prose.  I don’t think I ever let anyone see what I wrote because in my heart I knew it wasn’t all that good, and I wrote it more for me than anyone else.  It was a way to get everything out of my head so it wouldn’t hurt so much.

I haven’t done  it for years.  Now, when I do try, I almost break out in a sweat.  It feels forced and wrong.  It makes me very sad.  It feels like I lost part of me and I can’t figure out where that part went.

I have lost many parts of me over the years.  I remember them fondly, but I can’t seem to find them.  They just dropped off piece by piece here and there.  Most of the time I wouldn’t even notice they were missing until I needed them.  Then, I was very sad knowing I didn’t even get to say good-bye to them.

The ability to think a certain way, to act a certain way, to write a certain way…just gone.  All that is left is the urge and the need, but the ability is  gone.

Life just carried me away on its wave and I had no choice but to ride that wave.  So many changes and challenges that took my time and my energy.  I guess that happens to us all.  I hope that at some point, before I die, I can reconnect with the part of me that would get lost in writing and in emotions.  I want the words and feelings to again mingle and dance.

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14 thoughts on “Deep Thoughts During My Morning Coffee

  1. Get out of my head, GrannyK! Hahahaha. Oh, my goodness, how you put on paper the emotions of so many of us. That is a talent in itself! I wish I could be hypnotized and have someone pull all those missing pieces out of me. Great post!

    • Thanks for reading. I am looking for my missing pieces because I want them back! I fear they might have been stomped on a few times, but they still might work.

  2. Now that I am retired, and I seem to have less happening in my life, one would think I would have the time to write so much. I keep busy, but the subject of what I do is not all that interesting. But, I keep writing. Fortunately, a few people keep reading. I sure appreciate them.

  3. Reblogged this on The Other Side of 55 and commented:
    This post by GrannyK (Granny Reports) captures exactly how I’ve been feeling for the past few weeks – I get an idea, I know what I want to write, but the words just don’t flow once I sit down at the keyboard. I’m hoping few weeks away from blogging will help me find my ‘mojo’ once more. Enjoy!
    Margo

  4. I agree with your other commenters… you’re a very effective writer who really captures what lots of us feel in many situations, and many different ways. But that also means I know exactly what you’re saying here! It happens to me, too. The thoughts I sometimes want to write about, and seem to recognize rather clearly on some level inside my mind, end up a real mess when I attempt to put them on the page.

    • Thanks, Jennifer! I just get so frustrated with myself at times, and with the craziness that is life. I really picture myself frantically balancing on a surf board, trying to stay upright while the song “Wipe Out” blares in the background! Thanks for reading 🙂

  5. GrannyK, thank you for stopping by my blog. The princess is still sleeping, so I have a few minutes to spend here at WordPress. I’ve looked around your blog a bit and love your posts. I’ll be back to get to know you better when the princess goes home. As for writing, the few blog posts I’ve read are very well written. Because you feel your words don’t “mingle and dance,” I wonder if you would enjoy taking a writing class or joining a writing group? I’ve thought about doing that myself; it might be fun. Have a wonderful day!
    P.S. – I am three years older than you. Go grannies! 😉

  6. Nice post, I feel I am better talker than a writer, maybe I should use some tech that writes what I say onto the laptop, also I found that my writing is improved when I start in the morning just after I wake up,I am still half a sleep and that filter on my brain that makes me think twice or lose my train of thought is not as strong,keep up the good work.

    • I used to make sure I wrote something as soon as my eyes were open in the morning, so I agree with that. I should get back into that practice. Thanks for the reminder.

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