I found this quote in a book I have. It is just so me!
I’ve tried relaxing, but — I don’t know — I feel more comfortable tense. ~Hamilton cartoon caption~
I am a worrier. I worry about everything. I think of every conceivable bad ending there could be to every event in my life long before the event ever happens.
This is what it’s like to be inside my brain.
Going to a party: Nobody will like me or I will be bored. I will get home late and then I will be too tired the next day and be grouchy! I better not go.
Starting a new nanny job: The parents might not like me. The kids might be too much for me to handle. The hours are too long! How am I going to do all of this and take care of my mom, too? They might not pay when they are supposed to and then the bills will fall behind. They will change their mind after a few weeks, or lose their job and then we are all in trouble! I have to teach these kids and what if they refuse or just don’t learn what the parents think they should know?
Going shopping: Traffic is so heavy, I hope it doesn’t take all day to get the errands done. I really don’t have any money to spend so why bother? Shopping takes most of my free time for the day and I have other things I would rather do! What if I can’t find what I need and I will have to run to every store in the city?!
As you can see, I turn every event, even small ones into major events. I have fought this battle for as long as I can remember. I start a new nanny job on Monday and I am almost in a panic attack. I know (from mutual friends) that one of the kids is a hand full. I also know that I’m not as young as I used to be, and what if I can’t keep up with him? There will be 7 children there for a while in the morning (ranging from 1 to 12), and then I will be in charge of three for the remainder of the day. After December, there will be a newborn to add to the mix! I have cared for children for over 30 years, but I haven’t watched a big crew of them at one time for about ten years or so. I’m a bit older now.
I keep telling myself to stop the stupid worrying before I even give it a chance! I am trying to keep positive. One thing is for sure. I will be glad to have the first week behind me so I will know wether I worried for nothing or if I need to look for a new position!
Now, if you will excuse me, I need to drug myself up or find a stiff drink and just chill.