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Relax (or not)

I found this quote in a book I have.  It is just so me!

I’ve tried relaxing, but — I don’t know — I feel more comfortable tense.  ~Hamilton cartoon caption~

I am a worrier.  I worry about everything.  I think of every conceivable bad ending there could be to every event in my life long before the event ever happens.

This is what it’s like to be inside my brain.

Going to a party:  Nobody will like me or I will be bored.  I will get home late and then I will be too tired the next day and be grouchy!  I better not go.

Starting a new nanny job:  The parents might not like me.  The kids might be too much for me to handle.  The hours are too long!  How am I going to do all of this and take care of my mom, too?  They might not pay when they are supposed to and then the bills will fall behind.  They will change their mind after a few weeks, or lose their job and then we are all in trouble!  I have to teach these kids and what if they refuse or just don’t learn what the parents think they should know?

Going shopping:  Traffic is so heavy, I hope it doesn’t take all day to get the errands done.  I really don’t have any money to spend so why bother?  Shopping takes most of my free time for the day and I have other things I would rather do!  What if I can’t find what I need and I will have to run to every store in the city?!

As you can see, I turn every event, even small ones into major events.  I have fought this battle for as long as I can remember.  I start a new nanny job on Monday and I am almost in a panic attack.  I know (from mutual friends) that one of the kids is a hand full.  I also know that I’m not as young as I used to be, and what if I can’t keep up with him?  There will be 7 children there for a while in the morning (ranging from 1 to 12), and then I will be in charge of three for the remainder of the day.  After December, there will be a newborn to add to the mix!  I have cared for children for over 30 years, but I haven’t watched a big crew of them at one time for about ten years or so.  I’m a bit older now.

scaredI keep telling myself to stop the stupid worrying before I even give it a chance!  I am trying to keep positive.  One thing is for sure.  I will be glad to have the first week behind me so I will know wether I worried for nothing or if I need to look for a new position!

Now, if you will excuse me, I need to drug myself up or find a stiff drink and just chill.



11 thoughts on “Relax (or not)

  1. Remember to breathe, the parents have every confidence in you. It’s a very big gift to be given the care of somebody’s child and if they believe you can do it, I believe you can do it, and you should believe you can do it too. 🙂

  2. You know, the nice thing about being older is that you have already done all this multiple times. You’re set in yourself and you know what you’ll accept and you won’t. These munchkins are still figuring all that out. So see there? You’re already starting ahead of the game! Also, you know you’ll make the older ones feel important asking for them to help with the younger ones and you know the younger ones just want to be cuddled.

    Plus, you:

    A. Have probably seen anything these kids can come up with.
    B. Are so much smarter than these kids, that you’ll have no problem at all outwitting them…even the handful one.
    C. You will be more intimidating to the younger ones because you are so much older; hence, when you decide you need a break and call for naptime, there will be no problem from them.
    D. You’ve probably gotten used to multitasking so much over the years, that 7 kids will seem like nothing!
    E. In the end, you will probably have 7 little friends that adore you.

    So there. (But I definitely know what you mean about worrying about everything! You’re not alone in that. But that’s probably just another reason why people would trust you in this kind of situation! You plan for all contingencies before they arise!)

    Will be looking forward to your update!

  3. Funny enough, I find I worry LESS now that I’m ‘older’. What’s the worst that can happen? Could you survive it? (probably). Think back on the past and you’ll find you’ve probably gotten through worse situations than you’re imagining and lived to tell the tale. I strongly suggest trying meditation – once you find your’ inner calm’ you can call on it whenever you need it (when I was a college teacher, I used to do deep breathing before I went to class – I was calmer and so were the students!)

  4. Relax. Chill Take a pill or a drink and it will be fine. You’ve lots of experience. Put the older kids to work, say a pretend big sister and brother and have them….whatever. You’ll think of something. Let us know how you make out. ❤

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