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Feeling Blue

Usually, when I get my sad times, I keep to myself.  I try to keep my little blog as light-hearted as possible.  Once in a while, the thoughts just need to come out, though.

I used to love July 4th!  I would bring my family to my mother’s house and the whole family would gather for a BBQ and fireworks.  It was so fun and I looked forward to it all year long.

As with every family, over the years things change.  What I am experiencing is no different than what everyone has to face, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it.  One by one, my family is dying off.  No more parents, grandparents, husband, and even my baby brother and oldest son are gone.  My children are grown and the magic of holidays is gone.  There seems to be very little to look forward to.  This year, it has been especially hard for me.  I have been fighting a depression this week.  I am having a very hard time pushing it away.  I miss my family so much and my heart hurts.

I will get better soon, I always do.

I found myself jotting down some thoughts.  I didn’t let myself really think as I wrote, I just let emotions guide me.

Holding hands with memories

hoping to find the light

that faded with death

Darkness steals my soul

trying to laugh at my past

and take my future

Times of happiness gone

taking with it my smile

and will to keep trying

I am only a fraction of

the person I used to be

Sadness has a heavy price

Yet, there must still be hope

living out there somewhere

waiting for me to find it

I will keep looking for it

but safely from behind the wall

I created to protect myself

Sorry for the heavy post.  Maybe by posting it, I will get rid of the sadness!

Next time I will post something cheery and light.

GrannyK

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11 thoughts on “Feeling Blue

  1. It’s okay to “feel” and to share those feeling with others. None of us are strong all the time. I am so sorry for all of your losses, it’s not easy. But, please keep your hope. Never lose that, for you never know what wonderful things are in store for tomorrow.

  2. Sadness needs to run its course. I found myself having some deep, unhappy thoughts at a family wedding recently, and they stuck with me for weeks. I’m not sure of the meaning of it all, but sometimes they lend a perspective which will shift back to normal eventually.

    • So true! It will fade again and all will be okay. I think I’m just really starting to feel my age a bit and am just mourning the happier days of life. Now, I need to slap the sad silly with some laughter!

  3. I don’t have anything helpful to say other than I heard you. 🙂
    And I’ll hear you again next time, and the time after, and the time after that too so go ahead and put your thoughts out there as often as you need to.
    Sometimes all it takes to feel better is for someone else to listen to your thoughts with you. 🙂

  4. I think you’re right…this is something that happens to many people. It’s very, very hard to watch loved ones leave one after the other. It’s not easy to become the anchor or the last one standing and have no new purpose to balance that. I think it’s time for a treasure hunt, GrannyK…..there is treasure out there waiting for you to discover it….where will you look first?

  5. There is hope, GrannyK. You have a blog. You’re writing out your thoughts, sorting the priorities in your mind. It helps so much to do that. Do you have friends who are alone, too? Perhaps for the next holiday you could go out to dinner together?

    Hope is waiting for you to discover her. 🙂

    • Thank you. I have few friends and none my age lol. They are all 20 years younger! I have been thinking of going to the senior center here, but I need to see if I am old enough for it. I don’t know when to start hanging out there LOL.

      • A lot of senior centers take age 55 and older. The one in my area offers yoga, line dancing, zumba and lots of other activities. They’re all quite different. There are 2 in the area where my sister lives. One has people who should be in nursing home and the other has active, vibrant people.

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