Home » My Stories » Maybe Good Bye, Hopefully Not

Maybe Good Bye, Hopefully Not

When I first started this blog, I wanted it to have an upbeat attitude.  I wanted only positive things here.  I know now that I need to give it up for the time being.  I have no positive things to post.  Life has been a challenge for the last few years and it just keeps getting harder.

I will most likely not be able to afford the internet and it will be gone after the 14th of May.  I don’t have a smart phone, so no luck there either.  My job ends soon and so far I have not been able to find one that will actually pay bills.  Now, my car decided to blow a tire AND is having trouble running, so I had to get new tires and am facing an expensive repair.  Too bad, too, as the car is going to be our home come June the way things are going.

My son struggles with his OCD, but he is trying so hard to be able to cope.  He finally broke down and applied for disability so he could get counselling and hopefully be able to work.  His doctor was pushing for him to do so, but it’s not in our nature to accept things like this and we are trying to do without the help.  We needn’t have worried anyway, as he was told mental disorders are not the same as being disabled and he was turned down.  But, who can pay $100 an hour to get therapy?  MY GOD, I only make an average of $6.60 an hour being self-employed.  So, yeah, therapy is not going to happen.

All of this anxiety has my own OCD acting out of control and I find myself repeating actions over and over and over and it is hard to stop myself from doing it.

I have had two teeth break and I can barely chew my food these days, but there is no money to get them fixed.  Even the sliding scale fee places are way beyond what I have to pay right now.

I am truly sorry for the depressing post and I know I’m giving up way too much information.  A simple, “good-bye all, thanks for the memories” probably would have been enough and more appropriate, but I’m in a sharing mood today I guess.

I will pop in and read blogs until I no longer have the ability to do so.  Maybe a miracle will happen and things will change, who knows?  I’m not a religious person.  I kind of wish I was!  It would at least be something to hope for and hang onto.

Hopefully, I will be back soon if I have to leave.  Thank you for the wonderful blogs and friendships.  I will miss it.



11 thoughts on “Maybe Good Bye, Hopefully Not

  1. I don’t know how I missed this post :(. I know you now have Internet for another month so I’m happy to hear that. I just want you to know that you have been an inspiration to me and I’m sure to many others as well. I know you have had and continue to have many challenges in your life, but you face them with grace and humor. Sure you’re human and can get down, but I so admire your spirit and hope you can find a way to continue blogging. Keeping you in my thoughts!

  2. I’m so sorry to hear this. I totally understand the overwhelming feelings. It is so hard to deal with so much happening at the same time with no ability to have any control. I hope things can turn around for you and you can see a more positive future.

  3. I know of several people who were turned down for disability the first time. There are lawyers who deal with SSDi denials and the only charge that is paid to them is through the back-pay that disability will give for denying payments. Please don’t give up on it.

    There are programs to help you pay bills and as mohawkvalleygirl said, you can always access the internet at the library. in some states you can be paid to be a caregiver. for a family member.

    The WordPress community is very giving. Is there a way we can help?

    • It was so hard for him to do it the first time and then he was made to feel like he is just lazy and trying to scam them, so I doubt he will try again. People who have no experience with a debilitating mental illness are very quick to judge! I have worked since I was 12 years old and never, ever asked for a handout. I never needed the help until now. I guess I’m just feeling hopeless and helpless today. Thank you for the support.

      • It’s easy to feel that way. SSDI routinely denies requests. One person I knew had a heart ailment, another was at the end stages of a disease and both were denied.

  4. Well, I’m sure not going to like this post. I am so sorry about all your troubles. Regarding internet access, can you get to the library? That is where I go when I have computer problems. Don’t worry about making a downbeat post. I, too, try to have an upbeat blog, but we all know sometimes it just doesn’t happen. I wish I had some suggestions about all your problems, or a million dollars I could share. If I win the lottery, I’ll try to track you down. First I’ll have to buy a ticket. Hugs.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s