Night time is my enemy.
Sometimes, I can sleep and all is well,
but sometimes the whispers start.
Regrets, loss, sorry, grief and guilt.
How would life be now if my
husband and son had not died?
Was it my fault they had the accident?
Could I have prevented it?
What of my mother and father?
Was I there enough before they passed?
Did I make their life easier, or harder?
I fear it was harder at times, but I can’t change that now.
And my dear brother.
I am so sorry cancer won the battle.
I couldn’t do anything to stop it, and I hate that.
I see your faces when I try to sleep.
Sometimes, it makes me smile.
But sometimes, I swear they are glaring at me.
Blaming me for things I might have done,
or done differently while they were here.
I can’t explain or defend myself.
I just have to live with what was.
Night time is my enemy.
granny reports 
I am so sorry for your losses! I suffer from insomnia, but have no such tragedy behind it. I wish I had words of wisdom to share, but all I can do is send love and prayer!
thank you 🙂
Reblogged this on Two on a Rant and commented:
Granny K explains insomnia so well that I wanted to share it with you.
I have tears welling…
I understand the roots of your insomnia. You explained it very well. You have been through more than your share of hell and it comes back to haunt you at night.
Thank you. It can hit out of the blue and it is hard. But, onward and forward is the way we go, right? Giving thanks for my small blessings and I just wait out the bad times.
mine sometimes too… I really wonder from where the weird thoughts come into my head… sigh…
I truly think some of the thoughts are brought on by feeling helpless and not in control. We want to help the ones we love, but we can’t always do that.