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Feeling Guilty

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I keep coming here and staring at my blog.  I feel guilty that I haven’t posted for so long.  It actually makes me sad.

I have decided I can’t do it anymore.  All I do is complain and even I don’t want to hear myself complain anymore.  Life for me has become just one big stress factor with no relief in site.  I can’t stop the downward ride I’m on and I no longer have the energy to try.

So, until the day I feel better and have the strength to fight my own brain, my own fears, and this constant misery I feel, I will give up writing.  I hope that day actually comes!  Anyone fighting true depression will understand, and those who have never had true depression will just roll their eyes.  That’s okay.

Please don’t tell me to get help, I don’t have the funds to pay bills, let alone therapy.  And no, there are no free programs here (I have looked and looked) except for the University.  I can talk to a student, but their hands are tied so tight on what they can actually say and do that it is no help.  I tried that for a while.  And if one more person tells me to get a job, I will scream.  I am working 5 to 6 days a week, but just can’t make enough at what I do.  My average pay is about $4 per hour, and that is before I have to hold out self-employment taxes.  I have applied for tons of other jobs, but only got 2 interviews and no takers.

So, there, I got to complain ONE MORE TIME!!!!  I just can’t stop myself, I guess.

I will still jump on to read, if I can afford to keep the internet going.

Best of luck to all.  Thank you to all who have read my silly posts and have stuck around.  I do appreciate you.

Kathy

 

 

 

 

25 thoughts on “Feeling Guilty”

  2. Depression sucks. I’m sorry to hear you are struggling! I hope things turn around for you soon! Maybe there is a local school looking for a para? $4/hour is a terrible income, I can’t imagine how you are living off that. Keep up the search… Good luck to you. Please know we are all rooting for you!

  3. I hope you write again even if you feel it is to complain. The truth is life is hard right now for many of us around the world but we won’t know we aren’t the only one feeling this way if others do not speak out. Anger is powerful! Share your pain and your power with us.

  5. Me, I have too much to write about, so little time…dejection is not getting the 🌟 or like… Comments have bee almost noon existent 🤔😞

  6. I really did not want to hit “Like” on this; WordPress needs the sad face emoji like Facebook has! I’m so sorry you are going through this, and I can completely understand. Depression can kick your butt! I do look forward to when you feel like writing and post again. Remember, if you can’t keep the internet in your house, you can always go to the library. At least, you can around here and usually get on one. Oh, and you are far from alone in the job situation. I thank God every day for mine and hope I never have to look for another! I guess I don’t have anything wise or helpful to say and am just babbling on because I’m stalling making my own blog post. Keep in touch!

  7. Write when you feel like it, when you feel that it has value. I enjoy writing as sometimes I’m able to see things “on paper” that I never see, otherwise.

    I’m sorry about the job situation. I know exactly what you are talking about. No one wants to hire older women. I tried for two years to find a job after I retired from teaching. I just wanted something small that would give me some extra spending money and keep me feeling purposeful. Didn’t happen.

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